Newsletter: A Love Letter
February is the month we think of love, whether we like it or not. There are heart shaped boxes of candy, ads to remind us of the love or lack of love we have in life. Let’s face it this can activate a whole lotta feelings other than love. Before we move forward, take a moment and ask yourself “what does love mean”? We all want love and we are wired for it in every way. Why do we have a hard time finding it and keeping it at times?
Our culture and conditioning is based in a lot of judgement. Judging ourselves, other people, looking for worth through comparison. If I put you down, I will feel better about me, or the flip I will see you as better than me and put myself down and beat myself up, energetically. Where is the love? Not on the see saw of comparison and judgement. If we are honest, we all can do it. We have read the books and we know so much, but it doesn’t mean we won’t feel this. We have to go beyond what we know and start leaning in and understanding what we feel. We all can get hurt along the way by other people and our own judgements, wishing them away, or thinking them away does not release and heal the root of the feeling.
Remember that song “feelings”? It wasn’t “feeling” A feeling by itself that hurts or brings up pain can get stuck in a spin which can make us feel stuck in a cycle of confusion. If we welcome all the feelings as messengers of fear that need our attention, we can let the channel of healing flow through us and release patterns of pain. Sometimes we have to experience who are not to remember who we truly are. For many of us love has some control intertwined into it. Why do I need to control you when I am hurt or confused? To feel good about myself when I am not feeling loving towards me. This is a great recipe for neediness and co-dependence. Love becomes scary and we say that love hurts or “stinks”. What really hurts is how we drop our truth when we are in fear to get something that doesn’t need to be earned. Love is inherently ours.
I say this from a place of experience. I started on my journey of self exploration, psychology, and yoga to find my way back to me. I still remember the first love of my life. It was sweet until my fears that had nothing to do with him got activated. My shadow was where my shame hid to keep telling me I wasn’t enough or lovable. I wanted him to love me the way I wanted him to, so I could make my pain go away. I made him responsible for my feelings that I couldn’t control or understand. He couldn’t and didn’t know how, then I wanted to control him. Welcome to a seesaw of hell. It was selfish and it was also what I needed to learn how to return to the center of my Self. And what I found through this journey, is love. Not always shiny, sparkly love. Real, gritty, raw, and authentic love. Love of all the different parts of me that needed holding and understanding.
Wherever you find yourself on February 14th may you hold your Self and tender places with so much love. If it brings up feelings you like or not, can you love the process of leaning into the unknown. May the love you hold deeply for yourself transmit into all the relationships you keep. May you be gentle with yourself and remember we all struggle at times with love, it is the practice of owning our fears, and tending to our own gardens that love can flourish and blossom into a field of wild flowers.
In love and growth,
Mia xo