Newsletter: Self-Centeredness
The heat is on! Summertime magnifies the intensity of all the shifts we are experiencing. When we go through shifts in our personal lives, it helps us look at things that we have outgrown and no longer need to hold on to. It’s a potent time to declutter and make space for the self.
When we practice yoga, we are opening up physical, energetic space to feel more connected to our breath, body, psyche, and spirit. It is a practice to shift perspective so we can live less self-centered and more centered in our soulful pursuits.
I have been experiencing major shifts that have rattled some old wounds. It has been intense and at times overwhelming. I recently got married to my husband Jan. He lives in London and I have lived in California my whole life. I am choosing to leave my very comfortable life and go on an adventure. This is exciting and bittersweet. LA is where I planted my seeds, grew in profound ways, and created a life I love very much. Falling in love also woke up some places I haven’t been great at loving myself. It has been a healing and heart opening experience.
In preparation for my move, I have been letting go of clothes, art, momentos, and it’s been harder than I thought. It’s not so much the material objects, but the all of the memories attached to them. I consider myself someone who wants and invites change, and when it activates my neediness for things to remain the same I watch myself cling tightly. Yikes! This is where my ego wants to take center stage so the act of living life overrides the desire to let life unfold. I get stuck on how things should be rather than allowing them to be. It’s a shift from being self-centered and needy for external comfort to being centered in my SELF. What creates the shift? Love, empathy, and a whole lot of compassion.
When I am scared, my scars of past pain are rearing their hurt little heads. I can drive myself crazy or listen to what they have to say. In yoga we call them vrittis, whirlings of the mind that can spin us until we are confused and not sure what is true. These voices rooted in fear are strong and can be old programs that we have bought in to. If they are avoided, suppressed, denied, they don’t go away. In my experience they get stronger and more potent. The work then is to listen and understand where the pain is coming from and what it has to say, like you would with a scared child. When we can slow down, soften, and self soothe, the fear transforms into faith. Faith in our SELF, in the process, and we return the center of our soul.
As I prepare myself to cross the pond, parts of me want to hold on to the old life. As I strip away the familiar, I feel very naked and vulnerable. All of the conditions that have created my life as I know it, are shifting into a new time zone and new chapter. My tendency to love conditionally surfaces when I feel destabilized, I don’t want to bring that with me into my new life. The old self is transforming to make room for the true SELF to grow. We are all asked to do this in our own way to stay alive and awake. Just like a tree sheds bark that is dead, so must we in order to strengthen us from the center of our being.
If you feel yourself being drawn into the drama of the ego, remember it’s temporary and necessary to return to center of your SELF. If we didn’t separate from source, how would we find our way home? I remind myself of this, that home is where the heart is.
Love your journey and may the process of self discovery create conditions that allow you to live in the center of your soul.
xo Mia